Don't Dwell On Dreams
by Rheese1993
Summary: Connor and Sarah lose a patient together and grow closer because of it.
1. Chapter 1

Code blue, ICU.

"Reese, come with me!" Connor called out.

"Yes, Dr. Rhodes," Sarah replied, following him into the room.

"Excuse me," Connor said, pushing past a thirty-something year old man.

"Is my brother going to be okay?!" he shouted, pushing back.

"Maggie!" Connor called. "A little help here?"

"Come with me, sir," Maggie said, gently placing her hand on the thirty-something year old's arm. He obliged with tears streaming down his face.

"There's no pulse," Sarah breathed. "He's unresponsive,"

"He's in V-tach. Cardiac arrest," Connor confirmed. "Give me the paddles. Charge to 200,"

"Charging to 200,"

"Clear?"

"Clear,"

The patient jolted. Sarah checked for a pulse. Nothing. She shook her head.

"No pulse," she said.

"One milligram of EPI," Connor said.

"Got it. One of EPI,"

"Again. Clear?!"

"Clear!"

The patient jolted again.

"Still no pulse," she said after checking.

"Another milligram of EPI,"

"One of EPI," Sarah responded, feeling sick to her stomach. She couldn't block out the sound of the patient's brother. He was screaming.

"Clear?!"

"Clear!"

The patient jolted yet again. There was still no pulse.

"Time of death," Connor said, looking up at Sarah after looking at the clock. "15:49,"

Connor and Sarah lost their patient. For Connor, this was revisited territory. But this was the first time that Sarah was involved in a patient's death. Connor knew it right away. He saw the look on her face. He didn't know her well but he knew what that look meant on anyone. He felt her stomach drop as if it was his own.

She didn't even know the patient's name. She wasn't sure that she wanted to. It would make it seem more real.

Maggie wasn't able to keep the patient's brother out of the room anymore. He opened the door as wide as possible and lost control.

"YOU - FUCKING - DOCTORS!" he shouted. "You go through all that schooling and then get paid oh so fucking much and what do you have to show for it?!" he pushed a rollaway table with force, making it crash into the wall next to Sarah. She jumped. He was looking directly at her. "At least he looks old enough to be a doctor," he breathed, pointing at Connor. "But you," he was pointing at her now. "You look like you're seventeen fucking years old!"

"Sir, that's enough," Connor said calmly yet firmly, stepping in front of Sarah. "Maggie, get security,"

"I will fucking kill you, girl!" He shouted. "See, this is why you shouldn't let women become doctors," he spat at Connor. "This isn't over," he said, looking Sarah right in the eyes. She couldn't breathe. No one had ever looked at her with such hate before.

"Actually, it is," Connor said, nodding towards Maggie and the security guard. The five of them exited the room. "Please make sure he doesn't come back in here," he told the security guard. He turned around, expecting to see Sarah, but she had already left.

He knew where she was. He had seen her go there before.

He lightly tapped on the storage room door.

"Sarah?" he called softly. He had seen her go into the storage room a few times for several minutes at a time and returning with nothing. He slowly turned the knob. She didn't bother to turn the lights on. He saw her sitting on the floor at the back of the room, pulling her knees up to her chest. Her face was slightly illuminated by a nearby nightlight. "Can I come in?"

"Okay," she sniffed, wiping her eyes. If anyone were to understand what she was going through, it would be him. He closed the door behind him and sat down next to her.

"Was he your first - " her nod cut him off. "I thought so," he breathed deeply. "He was my patient, Sarah. I've been treating him all day. You were just assisting me," she kept looking down at her knees, tears streaming down her face. He lightly cupped her chin in his hand, turning her face towards him. "It's on me,"

"That's not how I look at it," she said. He released her chin and wiped a fresh tear from her face.

"I know," he said. "You're never going to fully push past this. The first death you witness firsthand has some strange way of sticking with you," he paused. Sarah searched him. She imagined he was reflecting on his first time. "It's going to happen again. It doesn't really get any easier," he said. "But you do learn to live with it,"

She tilted her head, allowing it to rest on his shoulder. She expected him to flinch away but was relieved when he didn't.

"Okay," she said, holding in a sob. She took a few deep breaths before standing up. She dusted off her pants with her hands. Connor stood up as well.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked. She nodded, wiping her eyes again. He checked his watch. "Your shift's done now isn't it? Maybe you should go home and get some rest,"

"Yeah. Maybe," she said. She opened the storage room door.

"See you later," he said, smiling sadly at her.

"See you," she replied, trying but failing to smile. She headed for the lounge.

She left her white coat in her locker in exchange for her winter one. It was so cold that day. She wore a black turtleneck and gray dress pants with black booties.

She saw some books on the coffee table out of the corner of her eye. They tempted her.

She didn't want to go home. She didn't want to go back to her tiny, lonely apartment. It was so quiet there. Too quiet. She knew that the events of today would replay in her head over and over again in the silence. She tossed her coat on the couch and sat down.

One of the dozen books were on cardiac arrests. She swallowed hard. Clearly I need to read up on this, she thought, surveying the book. She read about sixty pages before she fell asleep hugging it.

Connor opened the door to the lounge, cursing himself for not doing it quieter. He closed the door behind him very lightly. He checked his watch. 12:11am. He had to wake her. She undoubtedly had another early shift within eight hours and needed to get a proper sleep at home.

"Sarah?" he said softly. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder. She began to stir. She slowly opened her eyes for a few seconds before they grew wide.

"Dr. Rhodes!" she gasped, fumbling with the book. "Shit, what time is it?"

"It's after midnight. Come on, I'll take you home," he said. "Just let me change up,"

"That's okay, really," she said. "There's a bus that comes every hour during the night so I'll just - "

"Reese," he raised his eyebrows. "You're coming with me. Just give me a minute,"

"Okay," she said, her breathing finally resembling normalcy. He smiled at her before leaving the lounge.

He returned in a white long-sleeve and khaki pants. He was putting his work clothes in his locker and taking out his fur-lined leather jacket. She looked him up and down, her face flushing red. She shook her head to snap out of it. He put on his leather jacket, taking his car keys from it.

"You ready?" he asked, turning to her.

"Yeah," she said, putting her own coat on. He held the door open for her. "Thanks," she said shyly. The two of them exited the hospital.

"My car's right here," he said, pointing at the black BMW. She nodded, heading for the passenger's side.

"I really appreciate you doing this," she said once they were both inside.

"It's really not a big deal," Connor shrugged. "So, where do you live?"

"It's about thirty blocks east," she said, resisting the urge to cringe. She felt so guilty and he noticed.

"Hey, would you stop?" he laughed. "I really don't mind. Just give me directions as we go,"

"Okay," she exhaled. She looked down from his eyes and caught herself starring at his lips. She quickly looked back up at his eyes, hoping he didn't notice. He smiled and put the key in the ignition. They drove away from their second home. "So, did you always want to be a doctor?" she asked, looking down at her hands.

"My whole life? No," he said. "I wanted to be an austronaut until I was about twelve or thirteen. Then I wanted to be an orthodontist when I got braces just because I thought their job was cool. Putting coloured metal in people's mouths all day," he laughed. "Then, when I was about seventeen, my best friend started choking at lunch this one time. I felt so useless. His face turned purple by the time our gym teacher finally got to the cafeteria and helped him," he paused. "He was alright but, from that moment on, I knew that I wanted to help people,"

Sarah smiled. "That's a really nice story," she said.

"And you?" he asked.

"Oh," she said. "Not really. I don't know. Sometimes, I'm still not sure about the whole doctor thing," she blushed, realizing how stupid her answer seemed in comparison to his.

"That's perfectly normal," he said. "I think one in one hundred of our cases actually makes us feel good about what we do. It's the times where we successfully stop someone from choking that makes it all worthwhile," he turned to face her and winked. Her breath got caught in her throat.

"Turn right," she said. "It's the second apartment on the left." He pulled in as close as he could to the entrance door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he said.

"You bet," she smiled. "Thanks again," she turned to leave and immediately turned back to face him.

"Actually, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah. Shoot,"

"Remember how our patient's brother said that he'd kill me?" she asked. Connor flinched when she said the second last word.

"Yes," he said steadily.

"Do you think he really meant it?" she asked, her vision blurry from the tears in her eyes. She was such an emotional wreck.

"No," Connor said. "He needed someone to blame. Unfortunately, he chose you even though you were not at fault in any way. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. I've had several husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, and friends who have threatened me countless times. I try to put myself in their shoes,"

"Okay," she breathed, looking down and nodding. He held her chin again like he did earlier, turning her face towards him.

"You're an amazing doctor, Sarah," he said softly. "You should get some rest,"

"Yes, thank you," she said, turning to leave. "For everything," she said before opening the door. She got out and shut it behind her. He smiled and raised his right hand. She waved back and turned around, now facing her apartment building. She got her keys out of her pocket, fumbling to find the entrance key once she noticed that Connor was waiting to make sure she got in safe. She dropped them. Fuck, she thought as she bent over to pick them up. There you are, you little shit, she thought, finally finding the right key. She shoved it in the keyhole and opened the door. She didn't turn around to wave at Connor again because her face was beet red. She quickly walked up to the staircase, her legs ready for the twenty-two flights ahead of her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews! It really did motivate me to keep writing. I have a lot of ideas for where this story is headed and I'm super excited to share it with all of you!**

Sarah woke up drenched in sweat. She gasped, finally liberated from her nightmare.

She dreamt that her and her patient from yesterday's brother were on a gray platform suspended hundreds of feet above a large body of water that looked like liquid silver. A heavy fog surrounded them.

"YOU - KILLED - HIM!" he shouted in the dream, approaching her aggressively. She flinched and put her hands in front of her in defence. She backed up as much as she could, her heels at the very edge of the platform. "How the fuck can you live with yourself?!" he spat at her with hatred. "GOOD DOCTORS KEEP PATIENTS ALIVE!" he shouted, swatting at her. She ducked, causing him to hit air, but lost her balance, awakening just after she began to fall.

She looked over at the clock on her bedside table. 5:47am.

She got up, even though she didn't have to be at work for another two hours. There was no way she was going to be able to fall back asleep.

She took a long shower and ate some oatmeal for breakfast. She picked out a pale pink button down blouse which she tucked into black slacks. She stepped in front of the mirror, throwing her hair into a messy top knot, frowning at the dark circles under her eyes.

She checked the clock again. 6:59am. She put on her shoes and coat, grabbed her keys and her backpack, and was on her way to catch the 7:05am bus which stopped at the end of her street. She didn't care that she'd be early. Maybe she could read that book on cardiac arrests until her shift started.

She couldn't stop thinking about her dream on the bus ride to the hospital. She shook her head, snapping herself out of it. This was her job. This was her life. She was going to have countless 12+ hour shifts ahead of her filled with new horrors and she had to find a way to cope with them. Nightmares and baggy eyes weren't ideal.

She was so lost in her thoughts she almost missed her stop.

"Morning, Reese," Will greeted when she walked in.

"Good morning," she smiled.

"Did you work the night shift as well?" he asked, scanning her face.

"No, but, thanks," she said, laughing a little.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean - "

"I'm not getting as much sleep as I probably should," she shrugged. "Fourth year medical student problems,"

"I remember the days," he said. "Won't get much better from here. I've got to get back to my patient, but I hope you have a good day," he paused. "And I'm sorry again,"

"No worries," she said. "You, too," she turned to go to the doctor's lounge when she ran right into someone. "I'm sorry, I - " she looked up. "Connor - I mean - Dr. Rhodes,"

"Don't worry," he smiled, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I won't be as mean as Will. And you can call me Connor by the way,"

"Okay," she smiled back, her heart racing. "Yeah, he sure has a way with greetings. He wasn't wrong, though,"

"Did you have a hard time sleeping last night?" he asked, his face now solemn. She didn't feel like getting into it right then. It'd make her feel weak. She was tired of feeling weak.

"No," she lied. "I could've slept for eight more hours if I didn't have this shift,"

"I can't say I believe you, Sarah Reese," he said. "I'd understand if you came in early after a good shift. Good shifts will remind you how enjoyable the work can be," he explained. "But coming in early after a rough one?"

"Well, coming in early isn't a bad thing," she said. "I was going to go keep reading that cardiology book I was reading last night,"

"I see you're trying to change the topic," he said, raising his eyebrows at her. He didn't press the original topic any further, though. "Are you interested in cardiology?"

"I don't know," she said. "I've never really thought about it. I just wanted to know more about it after..." she trailed off. "You know, yesterday," she finished.

"Isn't your match day is coming up?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, dread overwhelming her. "I was originally hoping for pathology,"

"And you're not anymore?"

"I don't know," she said, cringing at herself. "I really present myself as a lost, helpless, and confused girl, don't I?" she bit her lip.

"Not at all," he assured her. She sighed before continuing.

"Psychiatry has crossed my mind," she said. "Dr. Charles said I'd be really good at it and I've enjoyed shadowing him,"

"I see," he said. "We often have cardiology residency positions, you know," he winked. She wondered how someone could be so good looking.

"Ah, I don't know," she laughed. "You did see me asleep with that book," she teased.

"You're right, I did," he laughed, crossing his arms. "It's just something to think about,"

"It's probably a little too late for that now," she said. "I think I'd do better in pathology anyways,"

"Everyone thinks that," he said. "It's less stressful but, at the same time, less rewarding. You have to decide what's more important to you," he then looked at his watch. "I've got to go check on my patient but, just so you know, it's never too late,"

She checked her own watch once he left. 8:02am. How had her shift already started? She quickly put her winter coat in her locker and threw on her white coat.

That day went by far smoother for Sarah than the day before had. She was busy enough that she didn't have any time to think about the dream. She helped Natalie with a 13 year old female cancer patient and Ethan with a victim of drunk driving. She also joined Dr. Charles for every single one of his psych consults when she wasn't busy with Natalie's nor Ethan's patients.

Her twelve hours were up. She rubbed the back of her neck as she entered the doctor's lounge to grab her belongings. She was planning on catching the 8:20 bus.

"Miss Reese?" Sharon said, entering the lounge.

"Yes, Mrs. Goodwin?"

"Would you mind delivering these documents to Dr. Rhodes?" she asked. Butterflies began to swarm in her stomach.

"Oh, I'd rather not - " she started. She was cut off by Sharon raising her eyebrows. "I just - I don't even know where he lives and I - "

"I know, I wouldn't expect you to," Sharon said, looking confused. "I know you make use of public transport and Connor Rhodes' place is difficult to get to with it. I've put his place followed by yours on the shuttle's schedule which is set to leave at 8:30,"

"Right, okay," she said, seeing no clever way for her to get out of this. She was tired and felt gross and wasn't in the mood to most likely embarass herself by being her usual awkward self in front of Connor. Sharon handed her a folder with some documents. On the front of it was a sticky note that said "Floor 19, Unit 4".

"It's confidential information and I'm much more comfortable having one of our staff deliver it in person," she explained.

"Of course," she nodded.

"Thanks a million," she said before leaving.

Sarah got her coat and hopped on the shuttle which was already parked out front.

Her mouth gaped open when they pulled into Connor's neighbourhood. The apartment buildings were gorgeous. They made hers look like low income housing. They all had large glass windows. Sarah was sure that the view of the Chicago skyline would be beautiful. The shuttle pulled into one of the buildings on the right.

"Thank you," she told the driver. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she hopped off the bus and went to the entrance door. An older man in a nice suit opened it for her. His building has a door man? She thought to herself. She walked up to the elevator. Another man in a suit, much younger than the previous one, was standing on the left side of the elevator. Seeing her approach him, he pressed the button.

"What floor, miss?" he asked as they both entered the elevator. What do you call an elevator man? She wondered.

"19," she replied, glancing at the sticky note in front of the folder to make sure. "Thank you," she said to the elevator man as she exited the elevator onto Connor's floor.

Everything about his apartment was beautiful. The floors were made of marble and the colours of the various pieces of beautiful decor were either white, cream or light brown. She was overly aware of her breathing when she knocked on his door. Unit 4.

"Hey," he smiled when he opened the door. He was wearing a white long sleeve shirt with jeans. She cursed herself in her head after looking him up and down. Did she really need to make everything so obvious?

"Hi," she said. "Did Sharon tell you I was coming by to drop these off?" she gestured to the folder.

"Yeah," he said, accepting them. "The things she makes fourth year medical students do," he laughed, shaking his head.

"Well, this was loads easier than treating patients," she said. That was a lie. Dealing with patients felt a lot easier than this.

"I bet," he said, scanning the documents while he leaned against the doorframe. How he became a doctor and not a model she'd never know. He tossed the folder on his entrance table and refocused his attention on Sarah. "I'm sick of work. Do you want to come in for a drink?" he asked.

"Oh," she was caught off guard. "But the driver, he's waiting for me,"

"I'll tell one of the guys downstairs to tell him that I will be getting you a cab home," he said softly. "How does that sound?"

"G - Good," she stuttered. She was one part excited and two parts terrified. The butterflies in her stomach intensified. She wondered if having a drink or two would relax her enough to make them go away.

She seriously doubted it, but there was only one way to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading my story and writing reviews - I read and genuinely appreciate every single one.**

"What do you drink?" Connor asked as Sarah took a seat on his black leather couch.

"Scotch on the rocks with a twist," Sarah replied. He nodded and smiled, making her drink at his bar. He handed it to her, taking a sip of his scotch neat. She took a big sip of her own, feeling it burn her throat. It felt good.

"So, how was your day today?" he asked.

"Much better," she replied. "Nothing crazy happened for once. How about you?"

"I lost my patient today," he said, looking down.

"Connor, I'm sorry," she said, placing her hand on his arm.

"Maybe you should be in psychiatry," he said, smiling a little.

"You just bringing that up makes me want to drink more," she said, finishing her glass. "I'm still juggling between the three,"

"Three?" he asked. "So cardiology made the list then?"

"Yes," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm so indecisive. You could've told me to go into anything and I'd seriously consider it,"

"I'm going to shut my mouth then," he said. "Otherwise that'd hurt my chances of you going into cardiology,"

"Hurt your chances?" she asked, blushing.

"Yeah," he said. If he noticed that she was blushing, he was kind enough to pretend not to. "Good doctors are hard to come by. You'd be a great addition to our team," he smiled, taking her glass to refill it. He returned within a few minutes, having refilled his as well. Her cheeks felt hot from the scotch. "So, did you want to be anything before deciding to become a doctor?" he asked, referencing their conversation from the night before.

"A singer and a writer,"

"Which one first?" he asked.

"Both of them at the same time," she said. "I'd be a writer by day and a singer by night,"

He laughed. "Do you still like to sing and write?"

"Oh, no," she said. "I never could sing nor write well. I just liked the idea of it,"

"I'll be the judge of that," he smiled, leaning back and crossing his arms, waiting.

"What?" she asked. "Me, sing and write for you?"

"Why not?"

"No way," she said, shaking her head. "I never did that for my mother. Not even for Joey back when we were dating,"

"They never asked?"

"Well, they couldn't. I never told either of them I was ever interested in singing and writing,"

"Alright, let's make it interesting then,"

"How do you mean?"

"I'll do something for you if you promise to sing or write something for me in return,"

"What will you do for me, Connor Rhodes?" she asked, taking another sip of her drink.

"I'll teach you everything I know about cardiology," he said. "I'll let you shadow me. I'll let you help out with procedures,"

She considered this. It seemed like a small price to pay but, on the other hand, the thought of singing or writing for him was terrifying. Would it be worth it.

"I'll think about it," she said sternly. He smiled, taking a sip of his drink.

"That's all I'm asking," he winked. The alcohol did not calm the butterflies in her stomach down. "So, are your parents supportive of the path you ended up choosing?"

"My mom thinks it's hilarious that I'm becoming a doctor," she said. "She won't take me seriously,"

"What do you mean?"

"When she saw a picture of me in my white coat she said it looked like I was playing dress up," she said, looking down. "Like I was being a doctor for Halloween or something,"

"I'm sorry, Sarah," he said softly. "But it's really great that you've gotten so far without her support. It means that you don't need it. That you're really doing this for yourself,"

"I guess," she said. "I'm tired of everyone treating me like a fragile little girl who can't handle anything,"

They sat in silence for a few moments.

"Sarah Reese," Connor's face grew serious. She looked at him curiously. "I was planning on keeping something from you. I don't know if it's the scotch or what you just said but I just can't lie to you,"

"About what?" she asked, suddenly very aware of herself.

"The documents that Mrs. Goodwin gave you to give to me,"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't look at them?"

"Of course not," she said. "They were for you,"

"Right," he said. "I suspect that Mrs. Goodwin figured that you wouldn't look at them. That she'd leave it up to me to decide,"

"You're killing me," she said. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, no," he said. He finished his drink and set it on the table carefully. "That patient from yesterday. The one that we lost. His brother,"

"Did he kill himself?" she gasped. He shook his head.

"No," he said. "He tried to sue Chicago Med,"

She took a moment to let it sink in.

"You mean he tried to sue me," she said, tears filling her eyes.

"Sarah, no,"

"Yes," she said. "Sure, he technically tried to sue Chicago Med, but it was me he had a problem with,"

"Sarah," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders. "This was not your fault. That's why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd react this way,"

"Are you saying I'm overreacting?" she asked defensively.

"Yes," he said firmly, looking her right in her eyes. "There's no reason to get stressed out about this. The case was dropped right away because of how ridiculous his reasons for suing were. Mrs. Goodwin just wanted me to have the documents for my records,"

"It's not ridiculous to me," she snapped. She hated how upset she was. She hated it even more that she let Connor see her like this. She was almost getting used to being embarassed.

She wanted to leave.

"I'm going to go," she said firmly, getting up and handing Connor her now-empty glass.

"Why?" he asked softly, getting up himself.

"I just have to go," she said quietly, more to herself than to him. She was putting on her coat when he was about to protest. "Please don't,"

They looked at each other for a few seconds.

"Okay," he said. He couldn't force her to stay. "Let me at least call you that cab,"

"No," she shook her head. "I want to walk," she left before he could say anything else.

He rubbed his temples with the tips of his fingers as he walked over to his balcony. He stepped outside, watching her exit the building.

Don't say anything. Leave her alone, he thought.

"Sarah!" he called, totally going against his last thought. She stopped and looked up at him.

She didn't notice that a white van had pulled up next to her, but she did notice that someone much stronger than her had come up behind her and covered her mouth with their one hand and wrapped the other around her.

"SARAH!" Connor shouted, throwing himself against the balcony.

She screamed into their flesh, biting her attacker. That did nothing.

Connor dialed Erin Lindsay's number.

"COME TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW! SOMEONE IS ATTACKING SARAH REESE!" he shouted into the phone. He tossed his phone aside and climbed over the right side of his balcony, grabbing a hold of the ladder that was against the building.

Sarah was now facing the car. She thrashed against the attacker's grip, refusing to get into the van. The door was wide open, ready to swallow her. She pushed off of the van with her two feet, exhausting herself.

Connor got to the middle of the ladder within a few seconds. A record time for anyone. He looked down.

Fuck, he thought, seeing that the van door was shut. I'm too fucking late.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for your amazing reviews (they seriously make my day) as well as for your patience! I've recently relocated from Canada to London, UK so I've been very busy with that - nonetheless, I'll still find time for Rheese! The Hunger Games is referenced in this chapter as well. I hope you enjoy!**

 ** _WARNING:_** **Torture scenes**

"Connor, you have to calm down," Erin said.

"How the fuck am I supposed to be calm?" he barked back. He stopped, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't be taking this out on you,"

"It's okay," she said. "We have the best of the best out looking for her,"

"You're going to bring her back, right?"

Erin exhaled carefully and began to reply. Connor raised his right hand and closed his eyes, stopping her.

"Nevermind," he said. "Just call me when you find her. I'm going to look for her until she's found. I'll have to call Sharon, tell her I won't be in - "

"Connor," Erin said softly. "You don't have the resources nor the manpower to find her. The last thing we need is you going crazy. Get some rest. Go to work and distract yourself with heart surgeries. We will call you,"

He sighed, thinking about what she said. She was right. Where would he even start?

When Erin had arrived, Connor explained to her that the only person he thought could do this was the brother of his deceased patient. Jay Halstead had then extracted the deceased patient's file and was in the process of contacting his family.

"I'll go to work," he concluded. "But there's no way I'm going home to rest,"

"I feel bad for the hearts you'll be operating on," Jay said, walking up to them. "The patient you're describing didn't have a brother," he held up a folder with a few documents in it.

"For fuck's sake," Connor said, grabbing the folder. "You're sure you looked up the right patient?"

"See for yourself," he said, walking away.

"Connor, you have to stop being so angry," Erin said.

"Yeah, in a minute," he said, distracted with the files. "He didn't have a brother," he confirmed. "But he walked in, asking if his brother was going to be okay,"

"Perhaps it was slang. You know, how brother can be slang for friend - "

"I KNOW THAT BROTHER IS SLANG FOR FRIEND!"

Erin closed her eyes, fed up.

"I'm afraid you yelling isn't helping matters one bit," she said sharply. "I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be much harder to find her now. People usually have more friends than siblings. I'd rather not waste any more time watching you scream,"

"Good, I don't want you to either," he said, more calmly now.

"See you, Connor," she said, turning around and walking up to Jay.

Connor spent the entire night driving around. Looking for Sarah Reese.

...

"Doctor Girl," the patient's 'brother' mocked, slapping Sarah hard across the cheek.

Once he had her in the van, he shouted at his driver to drive off. He blindfolded her, duct taped her mouth shut, and handcuffed her hands and feet together. She received a few blows to the head but was trying hard to focus on where they were taking her by counting how long they were driving for and memorizing the turns. Left? Right? After awhile, and a few more blows, she couldn't tell them apart anymore.

Shortly afterwards, he had roughly shoved her down the stairs of what she guessed was a house. He ripped the blindfold off and shouted at her. She lost her balance thanks to the handcuffs on her ankles. He kicked her in her ribs repeatedly. Five broken, she thought. He kicked her again. Definitely six now. The cement was cold on her side. The overwhelming amount of gray in the room made the situation even more depressing. As if that were even possible.

She heard screaming. It sounded terrible. Who's screaming? She asked herself. She didn't realize it was her.

"YOU KILLED ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE!" he shouted, ripping the duct tape off of her mouth.

"I - I'm sorry - " she said, blood dripping down her mouth. He had slapped her so hard. The impact of the inside of her cheek on her teeth was painful. Her apology only seemed to anger him more. He kicked her yet again.

"DON'T FUCKING TALK!" She was quiet. "YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE ALIVE, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!" She slowly nodded, realizing it for the first time.

She let her mind wander to what made her happy. A white orchid. Her reading group. Connor Rhodes.

She felt a terrible stabbing pain to the left of her stomach, followed by the feeling of drifting away. She was now sitting in something wet. Blood. Her own blood. Her attacker dropped a knife down next to her, got really close to her face, and continued yelling. Is that what it feels like to be stabbed? She wondered. She was losing consciousness. Stay awake, she ordered herself. Focus on his shouts if you have to, she thought. She could barely hear him anymore.

She wondered if she was going to panic. If she should try to escape. She didn't have the energy to panic let alone escape. She looked down at herself. Her pink shirt was splotched with red.

Her last thought before going unconscious was of Connor. Was he even looking for her?

...

"Anything?" Connor breathed into his phone.

"No, Connor, not since five minutes ago," Erin said. "I. will. call. you." she said slowly, hanging up.

"Hey, Connor, I was wondering if you could - " Natalie stopped. "Connor, what happened to you? You look exhausted,"

"Thanks," he said. "What were you wondering?"

"If you wouldn't mind taking a look at my patient, I'd like a second opinion," she said. "But if you're not up to it I can ask Will - "

"It's fine," he interjected. "I've been told I'm supposed to distract myself,"

...

She woke up to find she was alone. She tried to get up.

"Ow," she breathed. She turned her head around to see the door to the basement was shut. It looked heavy. It had several locks. Not that it mattered. She was in no state to get up and try to escape.

She focused on her breathing, trying to remain calm. Whenever she was stressed, she always sang or wrote. Writing clearly wasn't going to happen.

"Are you," she sang in a slow whisper, tasting the dried blood in her mouth. "Are you, coming to the tree? Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me," she breathed, too tired to go on. Before passing out again, she wished more than anything that Connor could be there. So that he could hear her sing. Just like he wanted.

A single tear fell from her eye.

...

"We need to see that deceased patient's body," Erin said.

"Okay," Connor said. "Come with me to Nina. She'll know where it is,"

The pair of them walked through Chicago Med.

"Why, exactly?" he asked.

"We're out of options," she explained. "We've tried the preliminaries. We're going to check for fingerprints. It's already been over twelve hours. If we don't find her in the next twelve, statistics say..." she trailed off. "I don't need to explain further, do I?"

"No," he said. "Because those statistics. Aren't. An. Option." he stressed.

"Don't get sassy again," she said. "Just take me to Nina and get back to work,"

That's exactly what he did.

...

She woke up again to find herself facing her attacker yet again.

"Ready for round two, Doctor Girl?" he spat. Sure, she thought sarcastically. I still have about eighteen unbroken ribs. She said nothing. She breathed carefully and tried to focus on that alone. She braced herself for what was coming.

...

Connor hadn't slept in what felt like forever. He went to the lounge, laid down on the couch, and fell asleep.

What felt like moments later, he was awoken by a violent shake of his arm. He jumped. He definitely didn't have a good dream, but what he had dreamt had already escaped him.

"Connor!" Erin said. She was with Jay. "We found her,"

"What?! You - you found her?! For real?!" he got up, his head rushing.

"Yes," Jay confirmed. "We were lucky to find some of his fingerprints on your deceased patient's shoulder,"

"Right, she's at the police station, then?" he said, removing his white coat. "I'm going to go see her - "

"No," Jay said carefully. "She's coming here,"

Connor's heart sank. "Is that because you knew I'd go see her and wanted to save me the ride?" he convinced himself.

"She's not in good shape," Erin frowned. "She had to be treated onsite a bit. Ethan was on ambulance duty which was good. We rushed here to tell you because you weren't answering your phone. She'll be here in a few minutes,"

"You saw her?" he asked. Erin nodded sadly. "She's going to pull out of this. I know her," he got up and rushed to the door. Before leaving, he said "Thank you. I'm sorry I was such an asshole to you both,"

"Not the first, not the last," Jay said.

Connor rushed outside, seeing an ambulance pull up. Please let that be her, he thought.

It was.

"Sarah!" he shouted as Ethan and the rest of the paramedics got her out of the ambulance. "Sarah," he said softly.

She was in terrible shape. Her face was ghostly white. Her hair was stuck to some of the blood that had dried on her face. Both of her eyes were black. Her left ear was bleeding. The insides of her teeth were filled with blood. She had cuts on her cheek. The bottom half of her shirt was torn with a stab wound visible. Her wrists and ankles were purple.

"Sarah," he said again, approaching her. He kneeled beside her and lightly stroked the top of her hand. She looked at him, tears filling her eyes. They proceeded to wheel her into the hospital. "No, she's mine!" he barked at Ethan and the paramedics, taking over.

"Let me help you, man," Ethan said.

"Fine," he said, realizing that two sets of hands would be better than one. "Let me wheel her in,"

They set her up in a trauma room and began attending to her wounds.

"She's lost too much blood," Connor said. "We need O negative,"

Sarah's eyes began to close.

"Sarah. Reese. Stay with me," Connor said, holding a blood bag.

"I've got it," April said, taking the blood bag. "I'll hang it,"

"Do it quick," he ordered. Ethan was tending to her ankles. There was no blood circulating.

"She had shackles on her ankles," Ethan explained when Connor looked at her ankles curiously.

"Fuck," he exhaled, feeling shivers down his spine. "Sarah," he said, turning back to her. "Stay with me. Don't close your eyes,"

"Can't. Help. It." she said, spitting some blood up.

"No, you have to help it," Connor said. "Stay awake,"

She couldn't. Her eyes closed.

"No," Connor muttered.

"Do you think - " Ethan started.

"I fucking hope not," Connor interrupted.

They checked.

Their hunch was right.

Sarah Reese was in a coma.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for the support as usual! I absolutely love reading your reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

"When's the last time you were home?" Natalie asked Connor. He was seated in a chair next to Sarah's comatose body with his hand on top of hers.

"A week ago,"

"A week ago?" Natalie repeated.

"Yes," Connor said, slowly. "That's when this happened. Now, I work and then I sleep here,"

"Thanks, Connor," Natalie said sarcastically. "I understand the concept. Have you been showering?"

"Do I smell terrible to you?" he asked. "There are showers here you know,"

"She wouldn't have wanted you to be doing this," she said softly.

"It's my fault she's here," he said. That had been on his mind for quite some time. It was his first time acknowledging it out loud.

"What? How? Her attacker is the one to be blamed,"

"I get that," he said. "But I was the one who lost the patient. Then her attacker took it out on her. She was leaving my place because I annoyed her. I could've stopped her,"

"There's no way you knew this was going to happen," she explained. "We just can't take threats seriously in here. There's too many emotions involved,"

"I know," he said. "But I still feel responsible," he turned to face her. "How would you feel? If you were in my shoes? If this had happened to Will?"

She said nothing.

"Exactly," he said. "Because the bottom line is that she's here. And I could've done something to prevent it,"

"I'm guessing I can't convince you otherwise"

"Not a chance," he said. "But thanks for checking up on me,"

"You're welcome," she said. "Goodnight,"

"Goodnight, Natalie,"

When she left, he put his forehead on her hand and closed his eyes.

"I'm really getting tired of being your human alarm clock," Ethan said. "Good morning, sunshine,"

"How the hell is it morning already?" he asked. "It literally feels like I just closed my eyes,"

"Sorry, man," Ethan said. "You coming with me?"

"Yeah," he said, yawning. "Let's go,"

Connor's thirty-six hour shift was dreadful. He had lost two patients and had heard nothing about Sarah.

When his shift ended, he went back to the room Sarah was in. He noticed that an extra bed was placed in it. He was furious. He specifically requested for her to have a private room. He looked out into the hallway.

"Mrs. Goodwin!" he called, jogging up to her. "Why is there another bed in Sarah's room? I specifically put in an order for her room to be a private room at all times - "

"Relax, Dr. Rhodes," Mrs. Goodwin said. "I put that bed in there for you,"

"Oh," he said.

"I've noticed you've been sleeping in that chair every night and then heading off to your shift," she said. "That makes you look bad which makes me look bad. Something had to be done,"

"Right," he said. "Sorry about that,"

"It's fine. I have a phone call I have to make," she said. "Hopefully this new arrangement will reduce the darkness under your eyes,"

He smiled weakly and turned around, heading back to the room. He pushed the new bed right next to Sarah's and crawled into it. He held her hand with both of his, looking at her closed eyes.

"I hope you wake up soon," he said, fighting the tears that formed in his eyes. "I'm going to teach you all about cardiology and you're going to sing and write,"

It was crazy, he thought, how much people, including himself, take for granted. How you don't realize what you have until it's gone. Connor didn't realize how much he cared about Sarah until he saw her being forced into that van. It was during the agonizing wait until the detectives found her that he realized that he had some kind of feelings for her. He decided that he'd tell her about them, even though he didn't quite understand them himself. The best case scenario would be that she reciprocated these feelings. The worst case scenario would be that she didn't but at least he'd have no regrets in telling her.

He heard a knock on the door. He turned in his bed to face it, not letting go of her hand.

"Hey, man," Ethan said. "Just wanted to see if I could convince you to join us at Molly's,"

"No, but thanks,"

"I'm sorry about all this," he said. "That this happened. Sarah's a really nice girl,"

"Yeah, she is,"

"I don't know if you've heard," Ethan said. "But they've locked up the guy who did this to her,"

"Good," he said. "I could kill him with my bare hands,"

"Yeah, you could," he chuckled. "But I wouldn't. It would put a hole in your staying-in-this-room-until-Sarah-wakes-up plan,"

"I just want to be here when she wakes up," he explained. "There's no way I can take time off work, you know what my load is like, but I definitely don't have to go to Molly's,"

"That's fine," he said. "I hope Sarah wakes up soon. For both your sakes,"

"Me, too," he said. "Have a good time,"

"Thanks," Ethan said. He left, closing the door behind him.

"See?" Connor said softly. "Everyone wants you to wake up," he sighed, exhausted by his efforts. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about the documents right away. You deserved to know," he said. "If you wake up, I'll make it up to you,"

It was no good bargaining with someone in a coma.

He let himself close his eyes, falling asleep for several hours. Until he felt something tap his hand.

Was it her finger?

"Sarah?" he said softly, springing off of the bed. He pushed the bed aside, replacing it with the chair he usually sat in. He pulled it up as close to her as possible.

He stared at her for several minutes, trying to detect any movement.

Nothing.

He was just about to give up hope when her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Sarah, thank God," he said softly, kissing the top of her hand. She pulled her hand away and looked at him, confused.

"I'm sorry, who are you?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's another one for you all! A quick update for once.**

"Who are you?" Sarah repeated. Connor was dumbfounded. So much so that he had forgotten how to talk.

"I'm Connor," he said steadily. She raised her eyebrows.

"That doesn't mean much to me," she said.

"Er - I'm Connor Rhodes," he said. "I'm a doctor at this hospital,"

"Oh," she said. "I'm a fourth year medical student," Connor breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes!" he said. His volume made her jump. "Sorry," he whispered.

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"I don't," he said quickly. "I just - you know - why would you lie about that? I just meant that I believe you,"

"Oh, okay," she nodded. "That makes sense. Why am I in a hospital?"

"You..." he started. "Got hurt,"

"Yes, that's why most people go to the hospital," she said impatiently. "What hospital is this? Who brought me here?"

"You have a lot of questions," he said, feeling overwhelmed. He wasn't sure how to handle this. Should he be honest with her? Would that be too much for her to handle? She clearly couldn't remember the past few months. Or anything about him, he thought sadly.

He needed Dr. Abrams and Dr. Charles.

"You know what?" he started. "I'm going to get a few other doctors who can explain all of this to you better than I can. How does that sound?"

"Alright," she said, still confused.

"You can just rest for now," he said. "I'll be sure to send them in,"

"Okay," she said. "Wait - what kind of doctor are you?"

"I'm a cardiologist," he replied.

"Oh," she said, her nose scrunching.

"Why, what's wrong with that?" he asked, smiling a little.

"I'd never choose cardiology," she said. "Never interested me. I admire it, though. Your work is very complex,"

His smile faded. Just a few days ago she said that she was considering cardiology. He would be lying if he had said he hadn't imagined them working together. It was a happy thought.

"Right, well, I'll send the other doctors in soon," he said. She nodded. As he left the room, he let one tear fall down his cheek. He wiped it off of his face quickly. It was as if it had never been there.

He paged both Dr. Abrams and Dr. Charles saying it was an emergency. Dr. Abrams pulled up to the hospital in fifteen minutes, Dr. Charles in sixteen.

"Yes, Dr. Rhodes?" Dr. Charles said, out of breath.

"It's Sarah. She's awake," he said.

"That's so good to hear - "

"No, no, no," he said, raising his hands. "I mean, yes. But she's forgotten a lot. Recent stuff,"

"How recent?" Dr. Abrams asked.

"She remembers she's a fourth year medical student but she doesn't remember Chicago Med," he said. Or me, he thought.

"I see," Dr. Abrams said. "Not all hope is lost then. I'll have to run some tests,"

"Can she - " Connor started. "Will she get her memory back?"

"Have you seen me run any tests?" Dr. Abrams asked. "I'm not God," he said sharply. He turned around to head to the room where Sarah was.

"Wait!" Connor called. Dr. Abrams stopped and turned around. "I wanted Dr. Charles to talk to her first. She's asking so many questions. I don't know whether to tell her the truth about everything or not,"

"Being vague is probably best for right now," Dr. Charles said. "Anything too intense might set her off. Stress her out. What have you told her so far?"

"Just that she got hurt," Connor replied.

"And she wouldn't settle for just that?" Dr. Charles asked with a smile. Connor shook his head. "Of course not. It's Sarah,"

"Make it quick," Dr. Abrams told Dr. Charles. Dr. Charles nodded and headed to Sarah's room.

"I'll go with you," Connor decided, following in step with Dr. Charles.

"I thought it was a rumour," Dr. Abrams said, crossing his arms and staying in place. "That you were spending every living minute of the day and night here for a fourth year medical student,"

"Rumours are true," Connor said through gritted teeth. "I'll page you again when you can come run the tests,"

With that, the two doctors entered Sarah's room after knocking.

"Hello," she said.

"Hi," Dr. Charles said, waiting a split second to see if she recognized him. Nothing. "Sarah, we would love to tell you everything that's happened in the past little while but for right now we have to run some tests on you, would that be alright?"

"I don't understand what's with all the secrecy," she sighed.

"Connor mentioned you're a fourth year medical student," he said. "You will understand soon enough,"

"Fine," she said. "But after the tests?"

"Full disclosure," Dr. Charles said.

"Okay," she said, still a little annoyed.

"Great," he said with a smile. "I'd best be off," Dr. Charles said to Connor. "I'll walk by Dr. Abrams on my way out. I'll tell him she's ready,"

"Thanks, Dr. Charles," Connor said. When Dr. Charles left, Connor refocused his attention on Sarah.

"What?" she asked. "Is there something on my face?"

"No," he laughed, shaking his head.

"You're starring so there must be," she sighed.

"No. I - um - like to take a keen interest in my patients," Connor improvised.

"I see," she said. "I don't know if I could be that interested,"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I've been thinking about it more lately," she said. "How much you have to give up when you become a doctor. I know, I know, I should have realized this earlier,"

"Sure, you give up stuff," he said. "But that's because you're getting something that you want more than all of that other stuff,"

"I bet it's impossible to date," she said. "To find someone,"

"That's not true," he said. "Trust me,"

"Are you married?" she asked. "That's an inappropriate question - I'm sorry. I'd never normally ask that. I feel a little lightheaded,"

"That's perfectly normal. Just breathe," he said. "The doctor to run your tests, Dr. Abram, he'll be in soon. And no, I'm not married,"

"See!" she said.

"But I do have someone special in my life,"

"Oh, a girlfriend? That's good then,"

"Not exactly. It's complicated," he explained. "I thought we might head somewhere but I don't think she knows who I am anymore,"

"Is that because you're always working?" she asked. "When was the last time you were home?"

Dr. Abrams walked in.

"Here's Dr. Abrams," Connor said, ignoring her question. "He'll run your tests now," she nodded. He leaned into Dr. Abrams ear. "I'll be in the lobby. Come find me the second you find anything out,"

He left the room. He resisted the urge to scream at the top of his lungs.

He was so angry at his deceased patient's brother. He robbed Sarah of the few memories that they had together. They went through the loss of a patient together and she would potentially never know it again.

He sat in a chair in the lobby, leaned his head back, and rested his eyes, falling asleep instantly.

"Rhodes," Dr. Abrams said, shaking Connor out of his sleep.

"Yes?" he said, getting up instantly, feeling a headrush. "How'd it go?"

"It's getting worse," he said. "Now she thinks she's a first year medical student. Her memory is exponentially decreasing with time,"

He felt his stomach drop.

If he was angry before, now he was furious.


	7. Chapter 7

**I've been so inspired to write and have been posting like crazy lately haven't I? Thank you for your feedback as always!**

Weeks passed and Connor started to give up completely on Sarah. He hadn't went to visit her since Dr. Abrams gave him the bad news.

"Can you tell me if things improve?" Connor had asked.

"Yes," Dr. Abrams had said. "And if she stays the same or gets worse?"

"Didn't you hear me? I asked you to tell me if things improve," Connor had said bitterly.

Since Connor hadn't heard from him, he assumed the worst.

"Hey, Connor," Will said, frowning slightly.

"What's with that look and the tone everyone's using with me?" Connor snapped. "Everyone's treating me like I'm wounded,"

"Aren't you?"

"I'm fine,"

"I just don't get it,"

"Get what?"

"You were by her bedside literally every moment you could," Will paused. "And now... I mean, when was the last time you saw her?"

"The night she woke up,"

"Huh," he said curiously. "Why?"

"It's too fucking hard," Connor said.

"What happened between you two anyways?" Will asked. Connor looked up at Will with an are-you-fucking-kidding-me look on his face. He didn't want to get into it right now. "I'm just trying to understand so I can help,"

"Alright, fine," Connor said. "Nothing happened. I mean, we didn't hook up or anything. We just went through something together. She lost her first patient with me. I comforted her about it. Sharon asked her to go to my place to drop off some documents and she did. We talked. I just - I never get along with people anymore," he explained. "But I liked being around her," he inhaled deeply, shaking his head. "And I think she liked being around me, too,"

"So why aren't you letting her be around you?" Will asked. "She can't really roam around the hospital looking for - "

"Me?" Connor interrupted. "No, of course not. Why would she? She doesn't remember everything that I remember. She just thinks of me as the first doctor she saw when she woke up. Who wouldn't stop starring at her. That's it, though I doubt she even remembers that now,"

"Alright, think of it this way," Will started. "You said you think she liked being around you, too?"

"Yes. I think so, anyways,"

"So, consider the roles being reversed. You were the one in the coma, not her. Do you think she would leave you like that? Do you think that she, who was interested in psychiatry and evidently you, would ignore you even though you forgot your memories together?"

Connor said nothing. Will looked Connor straight in the eyes.

"Think about it," Will said, slapping him on the shoulder as he left.

Will's right. For once, Connor thought bitterly. He breathed deeply. He was going to visit her before he could talk himself out of it.

He knocked on the door of the room she was in.

"Yes?" she said. He walked in, smiling weakly at the sight of her.

"Hey,"

"Hello," she said. "Are you another doctor?" she asked. He was going to try his hardest to make her feel comfortable this time.

"I am," he said, taking a seat in the chair he slept in for so many nights. "Just making my rounds. I'm Dr. Connor Rhodes,"

"I'm Sarah Reese," she said.

"It's nice to meet you," he said steadily. "How old are you, Miss Reese?" he braced himself for the answer.

"I'm eighteen," she said. "I'm starting pre-med in the fall,"

"Congratulations," he said, trying to hide the sadness he felt. Eighteen? She forgot so much since he last saw her. "It's a difficult but great career choice,"

"You would know," she smiled shyly. "I'm eager to get out of here though. Apparently I passed out and now they're running a bunch of tests. Do you know how those tests are doing?"

"No," he said honestly. "We'll try to get you out of here in no time, though,"

"As long as it's by the time school starts," she yawned, her eyes starting to close. All of a sudden, she snapped them open. "Connor!"

"Yes?" he jumped.

"The guy. The dead patient's brother," she said, breathing quickly. "Someone saved me? I - I almost died - "

"Sarah," he exhaled, getting out of his chair. "Thank God. You're back,"

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"I have so much to tell you," he said. "I'm sure they'll give you more time off work so I'll be able to explain everything - "

"Time off work?" she interrupted. "I told you. I just finished high school. I quit working at the coffee shop,"

He thought he'd be more disappointed. He guessed that on some level he expected it. But there was progress. He saw it.

"You're right," he said. "My mistake. Excuse me,"

He turned and left the room, rushing to find Dr. Abrams.

He wondered if this had happened before. If she had snapped back to reality but it hadn't lasted long enough for someone to notice. It was possible, wasn't it? If it happened now, it could have happened before and it most certainly could happen again.

He wanted to kick himself for not seeing her more often. If he had been with her the way he had been when she was in a coma, he might have noticed this sooner. He might have caught other moments if there were any. Don't dwell on the past, he ordered himself. Focus on now.

"Dr. Abrams!" Connor said.

"She's not getting better and you clearly told me to only contact you when she was - "

"She is, though!" he interrupted. "She remembered - for about 5 seconds - but, still!"

"Remembered what?"

"She mentioned the deceased patient's brother and said that she almost died," he explained impatiently. "Then she went back to thinking she just graduated high school,"

"This is promising," Dr. Abrams nodded. "But it's possible that this won't stick. You know that, don't you? Don't get your hopes up,"

"Too late," he said. "I need you to get to the bottom of this. Please," he cringed when he said the last word. Being a Rhodes, he wasn't accustomed to begging.

"Please?" Dr. Abrams scoffed, shaking his head. "I will, alright? Even without you telling me,"

"Thank you," Connor said earnestly. "I owe you,"

"No," Dr. Abrams said. "Being able to tell anyone that a Rhodes said 'please' to me is enough,"


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm so sorry for the slow update! Life has been pretty crazy lately but isn't it always? Thanks again for your support and your lovely reviews - please keep them coming!**

"How is she?" Connor asked.

"She had another moment of remembrance," Dr. Abrams replied. "She recognized who I was. We talked for a few minutes about her possible future paths, she mentioned she was leaning towards cardiology," he said, raising his eyebrows at Connor. "I suspect you had something to do with that. She zoned out after a few minutes of this and then asked me who I was,"

"A few minutes?" Connor asked, unable to contain his joy. "My moment didn't even last one. That must be a good sign, right?"

"A good sign, absolutely," he replied. "There's no guarantee that she'll recover completely, though,"

"I logically understand that," he said. "I just can't afford to think like that," he patted Dr. Abrams on the shoulder. "Thank you,"

"Yes, let's just hope she's back to normal soon so I don't have to see you so often. I'm getting a little sick of you," he said. Connor smiled before turning around to go see Sarah.

"Hey, Sarah," Connor said, knocking on her door lightly.

"Hi, Connor," she said, looking worried. She called me Connor, he thought. Another few minutes of the real Sarah.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting in the chair by her bedside.

"No," she said. "I feel so disconnected from myself. My memories are blurring together,"

"I need to talk quickly because I doubt I'll have enough time to do otherwise," he started. "You were kidnapped and you were so brutally beaten that you're having memory problems. You have moments every now and then, like now, where you remember everything. Other times, you think you're just starting pre med or that you're in pre med,"

"I feel like I'm having a bad dream right now," she said, looking down and shaking her head. "You're serious? I'll go back to forgetting any second now?" she asked.

"You've been improving. Our last 'present' conversation, if that's what you'd like to call it, lasted not even a minute," he said. "You spoke to Dr. Abrams for a few. And now we have been, too," he was now smiling, reaching for her hand. She squeezed his tightly.

"So, in a few seconds, I could just pull away from you and not remember you?" she asked, sadness in her eyes.

"Yes," he said, dreading the moment. "Dr. Abrams is so sick of me harassing him though. He'll make you better," he said lightly.

"Connor Rhodes," she said, watching her hand as he stroked it softly. "You know that as a doctor, you shouldn't make promises that you can't keep,"

"I believe I can keep this one," he said, tears filling his eyes.

"No," she said, referring to his tears. "Like you said, I'll get better, right?"

"Right," he said. "I'm going to let go of your hand now, I don't want to scare the younger you,"

"Okay," she said. "I'm sure the younger me likes you, too, though," she blushed, wishing she could take back what she said.

"Not nearly as much as you seem to now," he laughed.

"I cringe at my younger self," she sighed. "I can't believe you have access to her. It's like you having an embarassing photo album of me and there's no way I can grab it from you,"

"Hey," he said, looking her in the eyes. "Both of you are gorgeous and smart and so important to me," she rolled her eyes but couldn't stop herself from smiling.

"Is everything alright, Dr. Rhodes?" she asked, her smile dropping. And just like that, she went back to the younger Sarah.

"Everything's fine," he said. "You should rest. Goodnight,"

He called Dr. Abrams to tell him about the latest encounter with the present Sarah.

"Good," he said. "There's still no guarantee,"

"You sound like a broken record," Connor said. "I'll see you tomorrow,"

"I don't doubt it," he said. "Bye,"

"Bye,"

Connor felt happy for the first time in what felt like forever. Sarah was improving at an exponential rate and he couldn't help being excited.

He promised himself that he wouldn't waste any time with her. That he would cherish every moment that he had. He didn't fully know her feelings for him as he didn't have a chance to dive into that topic yet, but he planned to. When she was the present Sarah for more than a few minutes. All he needed was about ten.

He imagined her in his apartment, waking up next to him. He imagined them making breakfast together. He imagined picking her up and putting her on the counter, kissing her. She would've worn one of his dress shirts to bed. He imagined him introducing her to his sister Claire and them getting along well. He imagined himself teaching her everything about cardiology and her falling in love with it the same way he did. He imagined himself at her graduation and going out to dinner with her on her match day. He imagined her singing to him and reading something that she wrote to him. He imagined a time where she wouldn't be going back and forth between her present and younger self. Where she knew him always as Connor, not just as Dr. Rhodes.

Am I crazy? He thought to himself. He needed a second opinion.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Claire," Connor said into his phone.

"Hey, long time no talk," she said bitterly.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just - I need to ask you something. If I'm crazy, basically,"

"I've never thought differently," she laughed. "Go on,"

He took the time to explain the situation to her.

"Wow," was all she said.

"What?" he asked.

"It's amazing, don't you think?" she asked. "How a girl had to be in a coma for you to truly notice her?"

"I wouldn't go that far," he said slowly.

"Do you think you would have noticed her as much as you have if she was never kidnapped in the first place?"

He thought about this for a moment.

"I don't know," he said. "How do you ever know when feelings begin?"

"You can't know exactly," she said. "I just hope you're not just interested in her because you feel the need to save her. The universal male instinct,"

"Does it matter?" he said. "How the feelings started?"

"I'm sure she'd prefer it if someone liked her for who she is," she said. "Not for what she went through. Doesn't every girl deserve that?"

Connor didn't answer for several seconds.

"You're probably right," he said. "Night, Claire," he hung up and exhaled slowly.

Claire was right.

Sarah deserves better.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, all! Here's another chapter for you. Thank you for your lovely reviews as always. When I was writing for this story another three attacks happened in London, UK last night where I am now living. Please keep all Londoners in your prayers, these truly are scary times.**

"She's asked to speak with you," Maggie said.

"By the time I get there the moment would have probably passed," Connor said.

"The present Sarah has actually been sticking around for about half an hour at a time now," Maggie said. "You'd know that if you had visited. Or if you had answered Dr. Abrams calls,"

"He was getting sick of me anyways,"

"Would you just go?" Maggie said. "I really don't want to start yelling at you. That'd be unprofessional. But I'll do it if I have to,"

"Fine," he sighed, turning around to go to Sarah's room.

"Connor," Sarah grinned. "You were right! I'm getting better,"

"I'm always right," he said, winking at her. She rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Come sit," she said, motioning towards the chair. He sat down, avoiding her eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked. "It feels like I haven't seen you in awhile,"

"You haven't," he confirmed. "Look, Sarah, I - I don't do relationships. I mean, I don't do them well,"

"Okay..." she said, looking confused. "Are we in a relationship?"

"N-No," he stuttered. She nodded and looked down, a hint of disappointment showing on her face.

"So why are you telling me this?" she asked softly.

"You deserve someone who sees you for who you are from the start," he explained. "Not just because you were hurt,"

"So you're saying you only care for me because I went through this?" she asked.

"Not exactly," he said. "It's just, you getting kidnapped, that's when I really started to care. A lot,"

"I don't think that's true," she said. "When all of this started, when I hid in the storage room, you knew I was in there somehow. You came to me. You comforted me even though I wasn't in any danger then," she paused. "Dr. Rhodes, are any of my test results back yet?"

He looked at her sadly. The moment was over.

"Not yet, Miss Reese," he said. "I'll check back with you soon,"

He left before she could see the tears forming in his eyes. Thank God my shift is over, he thought. He rubbed his temples with the tips of his index and middle fingers as he walked to the lounge.

"Hey, are you okay?" Natalie asked.

"Fantastic, yeah," he said, sarcastically.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "I heard Sarah's getting better. Is it something else?"

"I really don't want to talk about it,"

"Can you meet me at Molly's? My shift's done in ten minutes,"

"So we can talk about anything else but this?"

"Sure," she said, darting her eyes away from him. She looked back at her clipboard and walked away from him.

In about twenty minutes, the two of them were sat at a table. Connor was downing his first scotch neat (he had ordered four) and Natalie had a single glass of red wine.

"How was your day?" Connor asked her, determined to keep the topic off of him.

"It was alright," she said. "How was yours?"

"Fine," he said, finishing his second scotch neat. All Natalie needed was his third one to kick in so that he'd get a little more talkative. When that moment came, she didn't miss her opportunity.

"How was your day? Be honest this time," she asked. "What's been going on with you?"

"Didn't I already tell you that I didn't want to talk about it?"

"Yes, I just chose to ignore it,"

"Right," he sighed. "I just - things with Sarah are hard,"

"In what way?"

"I don't understand how I'm feeling or what I'm feeling anymore," he explained. "What about when she becomes 'drama free'? When she's out of the hospital and life is all fine and back to normal and I don't have to worry about her anymore?"

"Then you two can spend some time doing normal things together, normal things not including getting kidnapped and essentially time travelling in a hospital room. If that's what you both want, of course,"

"We've never had a normal time together,"

"Believe me, the normal times are much easier than the rough times. If you can get through the bad times, especially like the magnitude of this particular one, there isn't anything that the pair of you can't handle,"

"I don't know,"

"Hey, look at me," Natalie said, snapping her fingers. "Every time I went in to check on her when Dr. Abrams was off and she flashed back to reality, she asked for you. Every. Single. Time. Would you just take the advice of a third party outsider?"

"What advice is that?" he asked, finishing his fourth and last drink.

"Don't let her go,"

The two of them talked for a few more hours while Connor sobered up before he headed back to the hospital. He headed straight to Sarah's room.

"Hey, Connor," Sarah said.

"Hi, sweetheart," he said, walking over to her slowly. She was surprised by the affectionate name. "I might not have a lot of time,"

"For what?" she asked quietly.

Just then, his lips crashed on to hers. She was dumbfounded at first, but then responded with just as much enthusiasm. He put his hands on either side of her face while her fingers were getting tangled up in his hair. He pulled her closer to him. They pulled apart from each other about a minute later.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said. She put her index finger on his lips, shushing him. She kissed him again.

"Just don't get scared like that again," she whispered.

"I wasn't scared - "

"You were," she said. "I saw Dr. Connor Rhodes scared. How many people can honestly say that?"

"None, including you," he said, smiling.

"Dr. Rhodes?" she said. "What do you mean?"

The moment was over, but he still couldn't help smiling.

"I just meant to say that you are getting so much better," he said.

"Oh, that's great," she breathed a sigh of relief. "So I'm going to be fine?"

"Miss Reese," he started. "A very wise person once told me that, as a doctor, I cannot make promises that I can't keep. But I believe you'll just be fine,"

"Right," she nodded. "I'll remember that,"

"I think you will," he smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm so sorry for the delay, you guys! I hope you enjoy this one. Please leave reviews and comments as you always do, they really do motivate me to continue writing.**

"Are you sure she's ready to be discharged?" Connor asked Dr. Abrams.

"Yes," he said. "Her going back and forth won't hurt her. Besides, it's hardly back and forth anymore, she's almost always present now as you know,"

Sarah got much better throughout the weeks. Connor was finally sleeping well again knowing that she was safe.

"Alright," Connor said. "Thank you. For everything you've done,"

"It's my job," Dr. Abrams sighed. Connor could've sworn he saw Dr. Abrams almost smile.

"Hey," Connor said to Sarah as he lightly tapped on her door.

"Hi," she said, smiling. She was dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt with her curly hair in disarray. "Did you hear? I get to go home today!"

"I know," he said. "I'm so happy to know you're well enough to be able to do that,"

"But?" she asked.

"How did you know there's a but?"

"I'm fairly perceptive," she laughed. He smiled, walking over to her and holding her hips in his hands.

"I'm just worried," he said. "That's all,"

"Connor, I'll be fine," she said, placing her hands on his shoulders. "I'd be ready to come back to work tomorrow if they'd let me,"

"Switching back and forth between 'doctor you' and 'freshly-graduated-from-highschool you' wouldn't be safe for the patients, would it?"

"No," she agreed, looking down.

"Hey," he said softly. "You'll be back here and working really soon, okay?"

"Okay," she said, smiling a little, wishing so badly that she could believe him.

"And you're certain you don't want to stay at my place for a bit?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she said. "I just want to be sleeping somewhere familliar for once. I mean - not that I'm not familliar with Chicago Med but I've definitely never pictured myself sleeping in one of these," she said, motioning towards the bed she spent so many days and nights in.

"That's understandable," he said. "Can I at least give you a ride?"

"That I'll accept," she said. The two of them exited the hospital mostly unnoticed, aside from Maggie and April who asked Sarah how she was doing. As it was already 9pm, the sun had set awhile ago. She breathed in the fresh air, letting it fill her before she and Connor went into his car.

After the car ride, Connor walked Sarah to her door.

"Here, I'll help you with that," Connor said, seeing Sarah fumble for her keys. She laughed a little.

"Hey," she said. "You need to quit babying me. I can put a key into a keyhole,"

"You're right," he said, raising his hands to surrender.

"You should be getting back anyways," she said. "How many more hours of your shift do you have?"

"Only two," he said. "If you're sure you're fine, I'll go now,"

"I'm good," she said, right after unlocking the door. "Have a good night, Connor," she smiled. He smiled back and kissed her lips softly.

"You, too," he said, pretending not to notice that her cheeks flushed. He turned around, got into his car, and went back to work.

She couldn't help but smile when she entered her apartment. She had a quick shower and changed into some dark green pyjamas before crawling into bed. Her eyes shut almost instantly, throwing her into a terrible nightmare.

"We planned this from the very start," Connor taunted, her torturer to his left. "How do you think he knew where to find you?" Because he followed me to your place, Sarah thought, but she was unable to speak in her dream.

"It's time to finish the job, Dr. Rhodes," the torturer snarled, handing him a box of knives. She couldn't move. She was strapped to a chair. Connor lifted one of them up, pointing it straight at her heart.

She woke up screaming, her hair soaked in sweat, plastered across her face. It took her several minutes to slow her breathing. She certainly wasn't tired anymore. She glanced at her phone which was on her bedside table to check the time. It was 2:11am.

She had a text from Connor that he sent at 11:13pm. It read 'Hey, just got off, hope you're sleeping well'. She was shaking so much that she accidently texted him back 'nmn.' when trying to get back to the home screen. Shit, she thought. Of course he texted back right away. 'You okay?' he texted her. She lowered her phone down shakily and put her duvet over her head, blocking everything out.

Her phone started ringing. Guess who?

"Hello?" she croaked.

"Hey," Connor said softly. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay,"

Sarah put a hand over her mouth, letting her tears fall freely. She sniffed loudly.

"Sarah?"

She lost it.

"I - I had a dream - and - you were on his side - and - you were going to cut me with - with a knife. It was a - a sharp knife, th-there was a whole box - "

"Sarah, sweetheart," he interrupted softly. This was the second time he referred to as sweetheart and it calmed her down a little. Only a little. "I would never ever hurt you,"

"I logically know that," she whispered, biting her lip until it started bleeding. The salt from her tears made it sting. That horrible night started flooding back in her mind. She started sobbing uncontrollably. She hated how weak she felt.

"Sarah, I'm going to come over right now," he said. "Is that okay with you?" she nodded, then realized he couldn't see her.

"Yes," she said. "Okay,"

It was almost comical how fast he got there. He must have gotten into the car right after she sent the accidental text, having sensed that something was up. She tiptoed to the door and answered it.

"Please don't mind how I look," she said. Her face was red, her eyes were puffy, and her hair was crazier than ever.

"You look beautiful," he said, wrapping her in his arms. She started sobbing again. He picked her up swiftly and carried her to her bedroom, letting her cry into his shoulder. He laid her down carefully, brushing her hair out of her face after he did. He sat on her bed by her side, continuing to run his fingers through her hair. It killed him to see her like this. He bent down and kissed her forehead. "I'm going to make you a tea - "

"No," she said, grabbing his shirt. "Will you just stay with me?" she asked, tears filling her eyes.

"Yeah," he said. "I'll stay," she moved over to give him space to crawl in with her. They faced each other. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Want me to turn off the lights?" he whispered.

"No," she said. "The dark makes everything scarier,"

"Okay," he said. "Just remember that I'm here this time, okay? And every time after. I'm not going anywhere,"

"Okay," she said, sniffing.

"Try to get some rest," he said. "Don't dwell on dreams," she nodded, closing her eyes. With Connor next to her, she slept peacefully. She had no more nightmares that night.

Her eyes fluttered open at about 7am. She turned to her side.

She screamed, jumping out of bed.

"Who - the fuck - are you?!" she shouted. Connor groggily opened his eyes.

"Mm - what?"

"No, you answer me first!" she shrieked, pushing him off of the bed.

"Sarah - " Connor said slowly, realizing what was happening.

"I said who are YOU?! I'm fully aware of who I am!"

This was the worst timing. Ever.


End file.
